My Baby--A Tuesday Gratitude

My baby had surgery today. We had a two hour wait in the surgical holding room with him before the doctor and anesthesiologist came to talk to us. He was so brave, but toward the end fo the long wait he started to cry and said he just wanted to go home. I didn't blame him, I wanted to go home too. But we had to put on a smile and tell him that it would all be over soon and we could go home together. It is absolute torture watching your child get hooked up to an IV and monitors, put that little mask over his face and drift off. Then to walk away and wait for the moment the doctor comes back to tell you it is all (hopefully) okay. . . .

I am so grateful C is okay and that it wasn't serious. I feel such compassion for anyone who has a child with a serious illness. To have to be in a hospital all the time, experiencing that fear and helplessness, I don't know if I have the strength--and I hope I never have to find out.

It was also difficult on a second level because his surgeon works out of the same hospital where I had all 4 procedures when I lost the babies, so it brought me back to some dark places that were not easy to forget as we sat there in those same hallways and rooms. I couldn't help but remember my own terror as I was wheeled into that cold, bright operating room, staring up at those weird sci-fi machines, listening to the noises, trying not to feel my heart beating so hard it felt like it was ripping out of my chest. I was so grateful when they let me go into the OR with C so that he wouldn't be alone with all those strange masked faces staring down at him as he fell asleep; grateful mine was the familiar face he was looking at as he drifted off. As an adult it was bad enough to go through that alone, but if I had known my child was going to have to be wheeled away from me to face that I would have clung to his gurney as they pushed him down the hall. Thank goodness they have compassion for mothers and children!

Tonight as I'm feeling grateful for our son's life, I'll be thinking of the family sitting across from us in the waiting room who got bad news. It is awful to sit in that big open space where there is no privacy for your grief. It is not only terrible for the ones who get that news, but really hard for the rest of us who sat and watched in silence; our thoughts and feelings a perfect balance of compassion and relief as we waited for our own doctor to bring us news.

So today I am grateful for a good doctor, a successful surgery, and a brave little boy.

YES!

I did it!! The "show" was a great success. My mom's friend has the most beautiful house. It's an old carriage house (pounds and pounds of oats fell out of the ceiling when they redid the kitchen) and it was decorated so beautifully for the holidays: picture rolls and rolls of holiday ribbon, their spools stacked and their ends twirling around our wares, lots of candles, a roaring fire, twinkling lights . . . It really couldn't have been a more perfect setting for us.

Her daughter's photographs were in the dining room, on the table, on easels around the room, and popping up out of the drawers of her antique sideboard. The other woman we grew up with, Jennifer Smith Donaldson is an oil painter and her paintings of local scenes were in the living room in front of the fire and on easels on the bookcases around it.

My jewelry was then interspersed throughout the rooms, in and among their work. I had my antique printers' tray filled with rings, bell jars with moss laying under them and jewelry beneath them like little pixies in the woods, antique jars with my necklaces strung from them, and of course, lots of old photos in the mix. I loved the way it all looked, and my stuff really looked great with their work. It all "clicked".

And I sold so much!! I sold out of all my new necklaces, most of my little pocket bags, tons of rings, and my charm bracelets and necklaces even did pretty well. So I am thrilled! I mean, really thrilled. It's the first time I have felt like this little business might actually take off. Now my next goal is to get the website up and running. I am having such trouble with Zen cart, but I actually met a woman at the show who's husband is currently out of work. He is a computer scientist. She offered his services, so I'm going to email her and see what he can do. It's worth a shot, right? Maybe he and I can help each other during these crazy economic times. That's what it's all about, helping each other realize our dreams!

So I did it, and I'm proud of myself. I even chatted with people about my work and tried really hard to "sell" myself. Because that's the worst part for most of us. Putting yourself out there and saying, "I'm good enough" and "look at me". Not easy. But I did it!!

Now you go do it, too!

EEEEK!

That eek is because I'm nervous. I have my first "show" for my button jewelry this season (year) and I'm freaking out. It has been so long since I've done one, but this time it's my mom's best friend who was so kind to offer her house for a 3-day home show. I'll be showcasing my jewelry, her daughter Susanna, who is an awesome photographer from Montana will be showcasing her photography, and then another woman who is a painter will have her work and prints and cards.


It should be fun, but I'm nervous and worried that I don't have enough stuff, that my stuff isn't good enough, that my stuff is amateur, that my stuff is ugly, that people won't want to pay the prices I've put on things, that people will walk right by and barely look at it, that the bad economy will hurt sales, that I'm ugly, that I'm fat, that I'm just not good enough.

You know, all the usual worries.

So anyway, I'm off to get this party started. Wish me luck! I'll post pictures when I return! And I'll try not to worry so much . . . .