Thanks Giving

Today I give thanks for many things:

a successful surgery for my boy
the graceful hands of the doctor who took such care
the kind nurses who walked us through, made us laugh and kept us calm
the love and support from near and far

soup
bread
comfort

family and all that it means: joy, pain, laughter, hurt, anger, bewilderment, kindness, fun, hilarity, support, patience, understanding--the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between. I am blessed to be a part of mine.

friendship. I have amazing women in my life who give me things I didn't know I was missing.

eyesight
hearing
taste
smell
touch

ART
inspiration

shelter, food, water, clothing -- the basic things that so, so many people do not even have. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have the things I do.
I know that.

I give thanks for all of this.

Not just today, but every day.

Grateful.

Gratitude Thursday

It's the last Thursday before Thanksgiving, so I'll pause to give thanks again tonight.

Grateful for music that keeps me sane. There are so many songs that make me happy, make me think, make me melt, make me cry. Make the soundtrack that I live by. This is the one that is doing it for me today. I hadn't heard it in so so long and when it came on the radio I almost wept for joy, hearing it again and realizing how much the lyrics resonate with me.

Grateful for words that inspire me. There are so many writers--poets, novelist, essayists, and bloggers who give me a reason to keep reading, keep writing, keep looking for the words that will tell my story, I couldn't possibly list them all, but these are the words I posted on my wall recently, to remind me:

The Woman in the Ordinary
by Marge Piercy

The woman in the ordinary pudgy downcast girl
is crouching with eyes and muscles clenched.
Round and pebble smooth she effaces herself
under ripples of conversation and debate.
The woman in the block of ivory soap
has massive thighs that neigh,
great breasts that blare and strong arms that trumpet.
The woman of the golden fleece
laughs uproariously from the belly
inside the girl who imitates
a Christmas card virgin with glued hands,
who fishes for herself in other's eyes,
who stoops and creeps to make herself smaller.
In her bottled up is a woman peppery as curry,
a yam of a woman of butter and brass,
compounded of acid and sweet like a pineapple,
like a handgrenade set to explode,
like goldenrod ready to bloom.

Grateful for so much, but these will have to do for now.

Gratitude Thursday

Grateful for the air I breathe, the water I drink, the food I eat and the shelter over my head. It's easy to forget that millions of people don't even have these basics.

Grateful for the beauty of the natural world around me and the eyes to see it, ears to hear it, hands to touch it, and legs to carry me through it.

Grateful for my beating heart.

Grateful for life.

My Baby--A Tuesday Gratitude

My baby had surgery today. We had a two hour wait in the surgical holding room with him before the doctor and anesthesiologist came to talk to us. He was so brave, but toward the end fo the long wait he started to cry and said he just wanted to go home. I didn't blame him, I wanted to go home too. But we had to put on a smile and tell him that it would all be over soon and we could go home together. It is absolute torture watching your child get hooked up to an IV and monitors, put that little mask over his face and drift off. Then to walk away and wait for the moment the doctor comes back to tell you it is all (hopefully) okay. . . .

I am so grateful C is okay and that it wasn't serious. I feel such compassion for anyone who has a child with a serious illness. To have to be in a hospital all the time, experiencing that fear and helplessness, I don't know if I have the strength--and I hope I never have to find out.

It was also difficult on a second level because his surgeon works out of the same hospital where I had all 4 procedures when I lost the babies, so it brought me back to some dark places that were not easy to forget as we sat there in those same hallways and rooms. I couldn't help but remember my own terror as I was wheeled into that cold, bright operating room, staring up at those weird sci-fi machines, listening to the noises, trying not to feel my heart beating so hard it felt like it was ripping out of my chest. I was so grateful when they let me go into the OR with C so that he wouldn't be alone with all those strange masked faces staring down at him as he fell asleep; grateful mine was the familiar face he was looking at as he drifted off. As an adult it was bad enough to go through that alone, but if I had known my child was going to have to be wheeled away from me to face that I would have clung to his gurney as they pushed him down the hall. Thank goodness they have compassion for mothers and children!

Tonight as I'm feeling grateful for our son's life, I'll be thinking of the family sitting across from us in the waiting room who got bad news. It is awful to sit in that big open space where there is no privacy for your grief. It is not only terrible for the ones who get that news, but really hard for the rest of us who sat and watched in silence; our thoughts and feelings a perfect balance of compassion and relief as we waited for our own doctor to bring us news.

So today I am grateful for a good doctor, a successful surgery, and a brave little boy.

"Thanks"giving

Wow! I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted. Life has been very very full and actually, if I stop and think about it, way too busy. With the house fully under construction and all of us living in a small, dusty, waterless space, it is easy to fill the days with tasks that take WAY longer than usual (going outside and around the side of the house and down the basement stairs just to wash a dish in the slop sink is no fun, let me tell you!). Top that off with the normal hustle bustle of life with two active little boys and that spells N-O T-I-M-E with a capital No Time!

So with Thanksgiving only two days away, I'm going to take a moment to breathe and to make a list a la my friend Steph of the things I'm grateful for using her "Five Senses" theme. Maybe it will help me to slow down if I take note that way!

Touch: my boys hands in mine, J's back curled around me as we fall asleep, Lola's wet kisses when I walk in the door

Hearing: E and C laughing really hard, the contractor's noises as progress is being made on the house, music, my friends' voices

Sight: sunlight, blue water, the rocks from places we've visited in jars next to my bed, the city of Capri, Italy when we first laid eyes on it from the ferry this summer

Smell: fresh brewed coffee, clean laundry, fresh cut grass, pine trees, the ocean

Taste: spaghetti and meatballs, the tuna dish I had at Aozora, mashed potatoes, root beer

So I give thanks today for my five senses and all the wonderful things I get to experience because of them!

Gratitude Friday

Ahh, another Friday.

1. I'm grateful for J being home with us today so we could rake the gorgeous fall leaves that blanketed our yard.

2. I'm grateful for the laughter of my boys: the other day I ran in to Star*bucks* with C and my friend's 2 daughters. The girls were talking about how much they love when their mom lets them get a frappuccino. We were talking about other things when suddenly C said "Mom, can I get a Crap-uccino? We burst out laughing (as did the woman in line in front of me) and he looked horrified by his mistake. As we got in the car a few minutes later he said "Mom, I'm really sorry I said the beep-ucchino word." That started us hysterically laughing again! And today while we watched Madagascar 2 at the theater, E was laughing that laugh of his that always cracks me up. Their giggles are infectious.



3. I'm grateful for the progress on our house. I know how lucky I am to be able to be doing such a big project in this topsy-turvy economy. We are blessed with a lovely home, even when we're all squashed in one room and it's covered in dust!

4. I'm grateful for this fabulous fall weather. It's been so mild and warm, still not really wearing coats. I'm loving it!

Gratitude Monday

Whoops! Friday was crazy and I was out and about all weekend so I never posted all my gratitude. Better late than never:

This week especially I'm grateful for my children. They are the light of my life and make it all worthwhile, even when they're being little demons (or vampires and cowboys!)

I'm grateful for this gorgeous fall weather and the amazing colors of the foliage in my neighborhood.

I'm grateful for my health and for this life I've been given. I hope I'm using it well.

I'm grateful for being able to be grateful even when life is not easy. It makes a difference.

Rainy Day (Gratitude) Friday

So it's raining and gray here, and I had a WATERFALL in my DINING ROOM this morning. We are in the middle of construction on an addition on our house and we're about 3 days from roofing so when it rained last night, the water came pouring into our house, which wouldn't even be that terrible as they are ripping down that room soon enough, but it also drained down in to our finished basement and I spent the morning helping my father-in-law wet vacc the new rug AGAIN! Yuck!

So anyway, despite all that, or maybe because of it, I decided to follow in my friend Amy's footsteps and begin my own Gratitude Fridays. It seems to be easier to be grateful when things are good, but I like to find the silver lining--so here goes.

1. I'm grateful for the roof over my head, because even though it's really wet right now, I'm damn lucky to have one when so many people don't.

2. I'm grateful that my husband still has a job, even though it's shaky in this economy. His job affords me the chance to stay home with the boys and to do amazing things like attend Squam Art Workshops.

3. I'm grateful that I got to have lunch with a new friend today. We met briefly at Squam and had no idea that we lived so close to each other; so I'm hoping we'll get together more often and maybe even encourage each other to do some art! No more excuses!!

4. I'm grateful that school seems to be going so well for the boys this year. Even though it's a struggle to get them to remember their books and to help them study for those dreaded spelling tests and work on those tricky math word problems; they both love school and I don't have to drag them out of bed in the morning and cattle prod them out the door.

5. I'm incredibly grateful for chocolate ice cream and for the Guinness beef and mushroom pot pie that is warming up in my oven right now because what could be better on a rainy Friday!?!