Monday, April 6, 2009
So Jenica and Amy woke me up today. Lit a new fire in me.
Both of their recent posts really hit home. Amy's because it reminded me that my inspiration is right before my eyes (or in the rearview mirror as I'm driving them from activity to activity!) My children are a constant reminder to me to be a better person. Because I want to be a good example for them, they make me think about each action and reaction I have. I try to be more patient in front of them. I try to leave someone with a smile or a kind word, even just the person bagging my groceries or the one pumping my gas, because who knows when it will help someone through the day to see or hear a small kindness rather than a growl or complaint. They make me drive more slowly so no one gets hurt. They make me stop and look at the world around me, to notice the beauty of the spring flowers and the tiny green buds popping on the trees, or the littlest bug that is making it's way across my front porch. Their laughter makes me laugh and makes me wonder why we don't laugh more often. They inspire me to carry my reusable shopping bags to the store and turn off the lights I'm not using so that maybe even these small things will leave the world a little cleaner, a little greener for them. Who knows who I would be without their constant inspiration?
And Jenica, because she completely made me rethink cul-de-sacs. I grew up on a cul-de-sac and I've always loved them--the way our street suddenly rounded, ballonlike, at the end instead of continuing on to another place. It was comforting to know that we could play there and (most likely) not get hurt, at least not by a fast-moving car. It was fun to play hopscotch and jump rope there, to ride bikes around and around in circles.
But Jenica's post gave me pause. It made me look at the cul-de-sac in a whole new way. It's a good reminder to take a closer look at the risks inherent in getting stuck there on that dead end. Sometimes I wonder if I'm still that little girl, riding around in circles, not sure at all what I want to do or how to grow up and become the me I want to be. How many minutes (hours) do I spend doing the same silly things that get me nowhere that I want to be. How many times do I start to do something but get stuck in a cul-de-sac of fear and worry that I won't be good enough or successful enough or talented enough. Instead of just doing something because I enjoy it, because the process is maybe more important than the actual results? It's time to bust out of that cul-de-sac--leave that scared 10-year-old behind in her chalk dust. Let her go. . .