Tuesday, September 29, 2009

An early-morning encounter

Hen and Fox

Got up early this morning (5:45 AM) to go to my favorite exercise class--and while I'm always so happy after I'm finished and my day has begun with me feeling totally energized--the getting up part sucks. I hate getting out of my warm bed to grope my way through the dark house, pull on my clothes, go out into the cold car and drive through the empty streets to the studio. But this morning something amazing happened. As I turned the corner near my house (keep in mind I live in a suburb 12 miles from New York City) my headlights hit something I thought to be a cat. It froze and I suddenly realized it was definitely not a cat, but a red fox. A RED FOX. It stared intently at me for a minute, then slowly turned and disappeared into the dark morning. I sat there, wondering if I was still asleep and dreaming or if I had actually just seen a red fox on the streets of Nutley. But it was real and it was gorgeous.

After class I came home and looked up the symbolic meaning of a red fox. This is what I found:

Fox is graceful change. She begins her process by opening up to new patterns she may not have considered before. Fox changes herself to bring about a desired situation, not unlike shapeshifting. She may use camouflage or invisibility to burrow under and blend in if necessary, in order to find out how she fits in. She listens carefully, creates comfort all around her, and tunes into her instincts. Her keen perception serves her well when the time comes to make a decision. Fox cozies up and protects herself before she trots off into her new adventure- expecting the unexpected, and willing to be guided. (thanks Pixie!)

The red in the fox is representative of a solar emblem. As a solar emblem the fox animal symbolism deals with:

• passion
• desire
• intensity
• expression

The fox encourages us to think outside of the box and use our intelligence in different, creative ways. The fox also brings us a message to try to approach our circumstances differently that we normally would. Be aware of some of our habits, and try a different angle of action. The fox also a reminder that we must utilize all of our resources (seen and unseen) in order to accomplish our goals. Sometimes this means calling upon some unorthodox methods.

All of this leads me back to Squam and the intense feelings I left New Hampshire with this year. I felt more comfortable in my own skin this time. I felt seen. And validated. And encouraged. I felt more passionate about being an artist. More desirous of creating the life I want for myself. More expressive. More open. Whole.

So you see, it doesn't surprise me that the fox found me this morning. He was just a confirmation of all that I already knew.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Squam: Where to begin?

Seriously, where to begin? I feel as though it will take me days, months, maybe even years to sum up all that Squam was and is and will be in my life. But I've got to start somewhere and this is as good a place as any.

I lay there
melting into laughter,
splintered wood under my back,
breathing cold dark air.
A star slid across the sky
and I thought,
this is it
this is life
as it's meant to be lived
Blanketed by the Milky Way
and the love of good women
who never fail
to teach me
touch me
surround me with love;
heal me.

I closed my eyes
and those stars,
that lake,
the faces of those women
burned bright beneath my eyelids,
their imprint solid--
a night sky I can carry home
with the acorns in my pocket.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Somebody loved

Been very quiet here lately. All I can say is I'm reveling in a bit of silence. The boys have gone back to school and summer is ending. It's sweet sorrow for me every year. While I so enjoy watching them grow and change, it's hard to let go of another season, especially summer--my very favorite. I want to savor these days of September and give myself permission to be sad that they are growing up, spreading their wings, needing me a little less every day.

But I'm changing and growing too. You're never too old to spread your wings. And you're never too old for marshmallows. Especially in September.

I'm really really loving this song.